Dr. Cleophus Goes To The Movies, Sort Of

There are a lot of bad movies out right now. Even thought I keep a pretty sharp eye on all things entertainment, I have no idea what most of these movies are about. Nevertheless, I am going to try to review a few of these movies without actually seeing them (or at best, only seeing the preview). Here goes:

I've got crazy hair and a crazy gun, I'm here to pay my taxes.

Drive Angry 3D - An angry Nic Cage and his crazy, angry hair get in a big muscle car and angrily drive to the nearest IRS office to pay off some of his enormous debt. By the way, the official name of the movie is just as its written, not "in 3D"

Damn, there go the falsies.

Take Me Home Tonight - Tells the rocking true life story of Eddie Money, the hottest NYC cop of all time, on his crazy journey for cigarettes, Poly-grip and Sharpies. 



Unknown - I've got to be honest, I have no idea what this movie is about. Maybe this movie is a follow up to Take Me Home Tonight and attempts to explain what the heck is going on in that picture of Eddie.

RIP Pinetop Perkins

Pinetop Perkins, one of the last living blues legends died today at the young age of 97. As I talked about here a few months ago, I was able to see Pinetop play back at the King Biscuit Blues Fest for the second time in the past few years. This past festival, he played with his Muddy Waters bandmates Willie "Big Eyes" Smith and Bob Margolin, but he clearly drove the show.  He still sounded really good, which was an amazing feat for a 97 year old.  Below is a video of Mr. Perkins at age 95 singing "Down in Mississippi" with Bob Margolin on guitar. 

Born on a cotton plantation near Belzoni, Mississippi, in 1913, he worked the fields from age 7, drove a truck for a living at 18 and got stabbed in the arm in his late 20s. The barroom attack tore his tendons and cut his bone, ending his dreams of becoming a leading guitar man. Instead, he refashioned himself as a regal piano player. The tragedy — and turning point — in his musical life occurred in 1942, when an angry woman mistakenly blamed him for an offense her husband had committed and swung a blade at him.

"It was a freak accident," Perkins told the Chicago Tribune. "When she did that, I just said, 'Well, you just cut me out of my career, that's all I can say.' It was hard to start over. It was kind of rough, but I just figured out playing the piano the best way I could."

In 1969 in Buffalo, N.Y., Perkins, well into his fifties, sat in on piano during a jam session and earned a spot in the band of legendary bluesman Muddy Waters. By then, he had already performed with the likes of Sonny Boy Williamson and slide guitarist Robert Nighthawk. The old school bluesman with the aggressive keyboard style and gravelly voice had played the rickety bars among the cotton fields of the Mississippi Delta, and toured with rock pioneer Ike Turner in the 1950s.

Indeed, he played piano with harmonica master Sonny Boy Williamson on the iconic "King Biscuit Time" radio show and with B.B. King in Memphis. Generations of musicians learned and modeled their art on Perkins, including no less than Ike Turner. "Pinetop would be the birth of rock 'n' roll, because he taught me what I played," Turner told the Tribune in 2004.
 

Perkins' skills came not from any sort of formal training but from an innate ability and love for a musical form that arose from the South's plantation system. "I didn't get no schooling. I come up the hard way in the world," Perkins told The Associated Press in a 2009 interview.

Perkins won a Grammy this year for best traditional blues album for "Joined at the Hip: Pinetop Perkins & Willie "Big Eyes" Smith." That win made Perkins the oldest Grammy winner, edging out late comedian George Burns, who was 95 when he won in the spoken category for "Gracie: A Love Story" in 1990. Perkins also won a 2007 Grammy for best traditional blues album for his collaboration on the "Last of the Great Mississippi Delta Bluesmen: Live in Dallas." He received a lifetime achievement Grammy in 2005.

The above obit is a combo of two articles by: 

Shelia Byrd and Jim Vertuno of the Associated Press; Howard Reich of the Chicago Tribune

John Woo - Master

If I've learned one thing from John Woo movies, it's this: reloading is for pussies.

Oh, and this: "nothing to worry about, enjoy your day!"

Son, what we've got here is  . . . a Mexican standoff (except with Chinese peoples).

Vacaciones de Primavera en DFW

The official family of BoDerickus just spent a few days in Dallas-Ft. Worth for spring break. Tiring but fun. One thing I guess I knew, but never thought much about is the huge Hispanic population in DFW. Flipping through the channels, I think I came across about 27 Hispanic language channels.  Back home I think I have 2, so I've really got to put some work into it to "happen" across one of these crazy channels. I have watched these channels before, especially when I want to bother my brother-in-law, the bald hippie.  But never to the level as I have the last few days. BoDerickus speaks muy poco Espanol, so I had no idea what was going on most of the time.

Here is what I think was happening:

• Is this guy longing or disgusted? 
• I really need to brush up on my Spanish

Teresa: Muy Pronto - From what I can tell, Teresa spends every episode looking longingly at men and menacingly at women. Everyone seems to look either longingly or disgusted at Teresa. Also, Spanish language TV appears to like lots of slapping. 

Mas Futbol - It appears guys that are filmed from a great distance kick this round ball up and down a large field and every once in awhile it accidentally goes into a big net. Oh yeah, and people fall down a lot.


Quien Tiene la Razon - This is a Spanish language "Jerry Springer" with a female host that is uglier than Jerry in a dress. Also, what I said before about the slapping goes double for this show. By the way, don't type "Jerry Springer in a dress" in to Google images unless you want to get one of the weirdest collection of pictures you could imagine. 

There also seem to be about 237 Spanish language radio stations.  There appear to be 4 kinds of radio stations in DFW: Mariachi, Salsa, Country, and Spanish language Country.  

Why, this isn't confusing at all, thanks DFW!

I live and drive every day in a city, but Dallas-Ft. Worth is a City. There are so many roads here it is crazy. Also, there doesn't seem to be reason to the layout of these roads. Everything looks the same and there seem to be 20 roads going off in all directions constantly.  I've driven a number of times in NYC, which is much larger and was not nearly as confused as I was driving in this place. I have never made more wrong turns than in Dallas. 

Madness, Indeed!

Some of you have read this already in an email related to the March Madness office pool. Skip to another one you haven't seen.

First of all, I feel supremely confident in my picks this year. Confident that they will be mostly wrong, but confident nonetheless. I am staying away from the snide comments on players names this year (none could be better than Alabama State’s Chief Kickingstallionsims and Ivory White from the 2009 tourney anyway).  But I will comment on some horrible team mascot/nicknames in the early rounds of this year’s tournament. 

East:

1 OH State v. Texas-San Antonio Roadrunners – Beep, Beep!

3 Syracuse Orange v. Indiana State Sycamores – Both of these nicknames are bad. With Syracuse, am I supposed to be intimidated by a color or a fruit?  Also, with Indiana State, why would anyone pick a tree for a mascot? Also, I’m confused, is this supposed to be the ultra-intimidating fig type sycamore of the Bible, the British version or the sturdy American version?

2 North Carolina v. Long Island University-Brooklyn Blackbirds – So many things to think about: #1 This might be the longest university name in existence. #2 Blackbirds are annoying and dirty, but threatening? Nope. #3 After more thought, and the fact that I think of blackbirds as “rats with wings” I may change my mind on their threatening nature. #4 Actual cheer for ILU-B: Swoop in there and peck their face off, Blackbirds, Blackbirds, Blackbirds! (only effective if making the flying bird motion a’la Morris Day).

Hey there, sailor!

Southwest:

1 Kansas v. Boston U. Terriers – There is no dog more masculine and reeking of intimidation than the Terrier. 

3 Purdue v. St. Peter's Peacocks – Sounds like this should be a gay catholic strip club rather than a school. For comedy’s sake, it would be much more fun if St. Peter’s Peacocks were playing Morehead State.

2 Notre Dame v. Akron Zips What the heck is a Zip?  Also, although called the Zips, it has a kangaroo for a mascot. Because the kangaroo is indigenous to Ohio. 

Southeast:

I'm not sure this could be goofier.

8 Butler v. 9 Old Dominion Monarchs - I’m not sure if you’ve seen Queen Elizabeth lately, but if you have, you know just how intimidating a monarch can be.  Also, the mascot is a lion wearing a crown, so it’s double intimidation. 

11 Gonzaga v. 6 St. John's Red Storm – I was not aware of St. John’s Communist leanings.  

3 BYU Cougars (I thought they were the fightin' Mormons) v. Wofford Terriers - Really? There are two teams with a terrier as mascots? Really? Wait, both are Terriers, plural?  Oh, never mind, that changes the game exponentially.   

2 Florida v. UC Santa Barbara Gauchos - It is well known that Gaucho was the best and meanest of the Marx brothers, but I hear he couldn't play roundball worth a crap. Gummo - now there was a baller.

I can't believe this picture exists, yet here it is.

Dr. Cleophus' Quickie Movie Review

The 8 six-year old girls on the row behind me really LOVED this movie.  Also, I didn't have to worry about missing anything because little Rachael had seen the movie before and let everyone know exactly when the FUNNY parts were.

Side note: Jason F'n Statham, Mr. Transporter himself, is the voice of the "bad guy" gnome (the big one in the picture above).

What Was I Thinking?

I have finally come to the conclusion that I'm getting old. What made me finally accept that? Was it the fact that I get tired more easy or parts of my body hurt that I didn't even know existed?  No, what finally made me figure it out was good ol' Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper (and Paprika).  Anyone reading this with a child under the age of 14 probably knows who these annoying "people" are. The cartoon world's first interracial marriage - Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper were groundbreaking (much like the Willis' on The Jeffersons). Also, these two are French. How do we know? Because they speak in zee OUTRAGEOUS FRENCH ACCENTS!

Paprika hungry! Sorry purists, Cinnamon wasn't in the picture yet.

So why did this anthropomorphic pair make me realize my increasing age? Because somehow I forgot how incredibly annoying this toy was. When the official daughter of BoDerickus was born in 1998, Blue's Clues was in full swing. Sometime soon after, we bought this toy for her. This thing says a lot of annoying lines from the show, but its main objective was, when you pushed Mr. Salt's mouth, they sang this charming little ditty (to a Calypso tune):

Healthy snacks!
Healthy snacks!
We love to eat the healthy snacks.
Carrots, bananas and celery too,
We like to eat healthy snacks, don't you?

This song was played in my house about 10,000 times. Not only that, this wonderful toy would start the song over every time you pushed the mouth. I had a young Jay-Z in my house for years practicing her "mix" skills (healthy snacks, healthy, healthy, healthy, healthy, healthy snacks, hea-, hea-, health, health, healthy, healthy, healthy snacks, etc., ad infinitum).

Dammit, man, get to the point, why did this make you fell old?  Because, not too long ago, my four year old dug this out of some hidden nook and brought it to me. Thankfully, the batteries had died. But what did I do? Yes, you guessed it, I put new batteries in it and am now being serenaded once again by the smooth calypso stylings of Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper.

Finally, I'm told that taking twice as long to tell a story is a sign of old age also.  I'm not sure I buy that.

Dr. Cleophus Says: Watch This Movie

This weekend I watched this unbelievable documentary. By that I mean I watched this documentary in an utter state of disbelief.  As many of you know, I grew up in Mississippi. I didn't think it got more "country" (and by that I mean redneck) than small town north Missippi.  I was wrong. I mean, I was really wrong. The White family, Boone County "royalty," are the extended clan of D. Ray and Bertie Mae White, who rose to some level of fame with D. Ray's "mountain dancing" which looked like a mix of clogging and tap dance (with a little "a bobcat got in my pants" thrown in for good measure).

Crazy legs Jesco White and Hank Williams III

This Appalachian family loves to drink, fight, cuss, screw, do drugs, shoot shit (and people), snort stuff, drink, fall down, have babies, mooch off the government, rob, cheat, steal, do time, huff gas, give each other tattoos, drink some more, fight authority (it always wins, however), parent badly, and dance, dance, dance.  D. Ray's son Jesco (literally) inherited his father's dancing shoes after D. Ray was murdered on his way to a performance.  In fact, many of the White children died prematurely. Mamie, Bo, Sue Bob, Kirk and Mousie (all women, by the way) run roughshod over Boone County, West Virginia. These gravelly voiced women have led a rough life, but seem pretty unfazed by life in general.



Make no mistake though, Jesco is the most famous and also the craziest one in the family (but not by much). He gets a full back tattoo of Elvis on the left (surrounded by stars) and Charles Manson on the right (in flames) to portray what he calls his dual nature.

Not a straight line

This family committed (or confessed to) so many crimes on camera it was almost comical. One moment in this film sums up the attitude of the Whites: Kirk gets her baby taken by Protective Services just after he's born (she's crushing and snorting pills in the hospital room less than 24 hours after giving birth). She decides to go to rehab to try to clean up and get her baby back. But not before a multi-day booze and drug fest with Mamie and Sue Bob that would likely knock Charlie Sheen on his ass. I was shocked during much of this movie, but could not stop watching. If I saw a movie "character" act like this, I would say the actor was going way overboard. I guess truth is stranger than fiction. 

I highly recommend this movie, if for nothing less than being proud of yourself as a parent and/or seeing how normal your "crazy" family really is. It was co-produced by Johnny Knoxville of Jackass fame, but don't hold that against it.  Anyway, I'll leave you with some quotes:

"You know what my daddy used to say? He used to say, ‘When you get too old to cut the mustard, lick the jar.’ I don’t know what he meant by that." - Bertie Mae White (the matriarch). 

Sue Bob - The "sexy" one.

"Well, I used to be a stripper back then when I was 17, 18, 19 years old and I made the boo-coups of money.  I'd bring home at least the fifteen to two thousand dollars a night in my boot. I’ve always been the sexiest one in the family. I’ve always had comments from thousands of people." -Sue Bob White

Kirk - the "fighter"

"I met Dennis, I liked him cause he looked good. I loved that 18 wheeler he drove the 18 wheeler. And then, he ends up screwin' my cousin. And then I end up stabbin' his ass." Sue Kirk White
This is only the start of a 3 minute tirade that just got more disturbing. All the while her young son was literally bouncing off the walls after drinking a six pack of Pepsi.

BoDerickus' BNOW - Law & Order Edition

Today in the BNOW, the names all come from cons and scum. Yes, criminals and lawyers are the names of the day.

Meta Cooper - lawyer - The Meta Cooper is the new SUV from the auto manufacturer that brought you the Mini Cooper.

Ricky Flamingo Brown - unlawful possession - He got caught in possession of a really fruity middle name.

Loring E. Justice - Lawyer - You know who to call to right a wrong? Justice, that's who.

Tornita Crenshaw - Robbery - The tornita is my favorite Mexican dish; personally, I like it with extra crenshaw.

Cadwallader "Buddy" Leonidis Polk IV - Lawyer-TX - I guess if your name is a cross between a chocolate egg and the leader of the Spartans, but you live in Texas, you've got to go with Buddy.

Innocent S. Nzamubereka - Assault - Your honor, I've been practicing law for 20 years and I've never been able to say this with more conviction: My client is Innocent!

Joseph Moron - Assault & Burglary - Your honor, my client may be a Moron, but he ain't dumb.

It's Been Awhile

I've been busy, way to busy to (attempt to) be funny. I've been doing things law-way.  Just like Star Jones, I am a lawyer, and, as a lawyer, sometimes you have to do a bit of research. Inevitably, at times you come across some crazy/funny stuff. Take a look at the main point in this case from 1834.

Fisk v. Townsend, Tenn.,1834
A promise made, whilst sober, by an habitual drunkard to a physician, that he would pay him one hundred dollars, in consideration of which the physician promised and undertook to cure him of his appetite for ardent spirits, is binding.

Andy, I ain't got $100; take Bessie here instead.

That is beautiful. Seems they had rehab way back in 1834 and Otis decided he didn't want to pay for that rehab. Just reading this gets my appetite whetted for some ardent spirits.  

Happy New Year!

There is no other picture that goes with this song better.

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never hmmm hmm mine,
I'm not sure what the next line is,
and auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear
for auld lang syne,
I know I'll have a cup of beer,
with auld lang syne,

There's four more verses to this song,
I'm gonna lose my mind,
who's ever heard the next ver-ses(?)
to auld lang syne.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

Dr. Cleophus' Quickie Movie Review

This Christmas, I took a page out of my Jewish friends' playbook: Chinese food for lunch and Christmas night, a trip to the cinema to see The Fighter:

That fight looks wicked hahd.

Marky Mark stars as a washed up fighter with a crack addled (former boxer) brother. After losing four straight, he pulls himself up from the bottom and starts a comeback that leads him all the way to the title. How does he turn it around, you ask? One word: Poontang.

In all honesty, this was a great movie. The director did everything he could to make the three leads (Wahlberg, Christian "I'm Batman" Bale and Amy Adams) as unattractive as possible. He mostly succeeded, especially with Christian "I've never met a starvation diet I didn't like" Bale.

The Day After

It's the day after Christmas and my four year old has already partially broken 2 toys and played a total of 3 minutes with the most expensive toy he got. Oh yeah, and he and I just played for an hour with a squishy ball on a string that I got for free last week at my bank (probably would have gone longer, but it broke also). Well, at least his favorite Christmas toy wasn't a box this year.

BoDerickus hopes you all had a great Christmas!

BoDerickus BNOW - Christmas Edition

Twas the night before "Mary Christmas (Salt Lake City)" and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a Chip Munk (State Farm Agent-Topeka) singing high pitched carols. The "Dale Stocking(s)" (Stockton, IL) were hung by the "Rayford Chimney (Jasper, TX)" with care, in hopes that "Sandy Claus (teacher in Verona, PA)" soon would be there.

Yes, it's Christmas! A time to hang "Aretha Holly (United Health agent)" on the door, eat "Candy Kane (Realtor in Philadelphia)" and be "Gaye Jolly (housewife, Knoxville, TN)". So here's hoping everyone gets a big "Candy Baskett (Lafayette, IN) full of "Ginger Snapp (Receptionist in Cincinnati, OH)" and "Hazel Nutt (Seneca, SC)" and enough snow so we can use the "Bob Sledd  - (VA Secretary of State)" we got for "Dionte Christmas (NBA player for 76ers)" to rocket down a hill.

So Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all.

Wilma Rudolph, getting ready for the 1960 Olympic Games

Frosty Returns - Why?

This past weekend, BoDerickus and the official son of BoDerickus bought The Original Christmas Classics collection which included Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Unfortunately for me, it also included the piece of trash that is Frosty Returns.  Someone must have been high when the made this piece of shiznit.  John Goodman was the voice of Frosty. However, he was not in good "John Goodman" mode, a la "Raising Arizona" and "The Big Lebowski." No, this was the John Goodman from about half way through his Rosanne run when he had all his soul sucked out of him and was basically cruising. He gave "Frosty" all the heart of this year's Carolina Panthers. This was written by Romeo Muller, who would go on to play quarterback for the Ole Miss Rebels.

On the left, beloved classic. On the right, crap on a cracker.

This adaptation of "Frosty" seemed to have no connection whatsoever to the one everyone knew and loved.  I mean, Frosty didn't even have to wear the top hat to exist in this one.  What the hell? That was the entire point of the first one (and the song, for that matter). He only became magical when he put on the top hat. This "Frosty" doesn't even make an effort.  The animation was pitiful, the characters horrible, and the story nonexistent. It had something to do with a carnival, a spray that magically melted all the snow and . . . I pretty much glazed over during the rest of it.

Hat? Why do I need that? Its not like there's any basis for me wearing it.

I have no idea where Peppermint Patty is.

The original Frosty was made in 1969, how is it possible that the animation in Frosty Returns, made in 1992, is ten times worse? But at least the songs were good . . . oh, wait, the songs sucked worse than anything. They were excruciatingly bad.  The main song, "Let There Be Snow" was an awful convoluted mess that seems as if it were sung by a bunch of deaf/mute children.

Yes, really!

Twitchell, the "bad guy" in this dreck, is a blatant rip off of "The Simpson's" Mr. Burns, only drawn MUCH worse (don't even get me started on the obvious Peanuts ripoff in the "best friend" character). To make matters worse, Jonathan Winters plays some "elf / little person / story teller" making everything even more nonsensical.

Anyway, take it from me, if you haven't seen this lifeless piece of sheep dung, don't.  If you think it would be cute, it's not. As Nancy Reagan used to say: Just Say No (I'm pretty sure she came up with this saying right after watching this steaming pile of moose poop). I enjoyed this show about as much as I enjoyed my last colonoscopy. 

Special BNOW Edition - Nicknames

Warning: Potential Lewd or Obnoxious Humor Ahead
BoDerickus was a Sigma Nu in college.  Back when I was in college, many of the fraternities used the "Animal House" method of picking nicknames for their pledges.  They took pictures of the pledges, then hung a bedsheet and used a slide projector to project that picture on the wall.  At this point, a bunch of (mostly) drunken college kids hurled insults at the picture until something stuck. I am sure it's more high tech now, probably done with computers, but I am also sure the drinking and insulting are the same. There was one guy in my fraternity who drunkenly screamed "Shaven Testicle" at every picture for a couple years running. Thankfully for those pledges, no one listened to him. 

Me, riding around campus

My pledge name was Grape Ape.  My three best friends from college were Oompa Loompa, Dumbo Letterman and Stubacca. The latter was particularly fitting since his name was Stu and he was big and hairy (it really was a no brainer-sometimes drunken frat guys get it right).  The funniest of my class was Uretha Franklin. The dumbest/weirdest I remember was one poor kid whose unfortunate choice in shoes got him stuck with: "Attention KMart Shoppers, Velcro Sneakers, Why Pay More?" which fortunately got shortened to just KMart. Others I remember include Psycho, Grimace, Lucky Pierre, Merkin, Fromunda Cheese, Red-Eye Jedi and Hashish. 


Other nicknames I've been saddled with over the years include: Baby Huey, Virgil, Google Bean, and Big Pink (or BP for short).  Two non-fraternity guys from my college were called Moose and Muffinhead, and Dumbo had the much more used nickname of Doctor (short for "Doctor of Love"). Guys at my high school were also tagged. There was Heavy Dog, Snoot, Cowboy, Three Meat, Head, and Mad Dog, to name a few; as well as a whole breakfast table of nicknames on the football team, including Milk (very white legs), Corn Flakes (given to a poor guy who puked a lot during two-a-days), Sausage (legs looked like sausage links) and Toast (our DB who was constantly getting burned). The nickname thing seems to be passed on to younger generations. Toast's younger brother, who outweighed him by 50+ pounds, was tagged as Muffin, probably as a tribute to his older brother's nickname (got to keep it in the breakfast food family).
 

Frat guys leading a YMCA cheer?

What is it with guys that they feel the uncontrollable need to saddle every other guy with a nickname? My guess is that assigning nicknames and the ability to do sound effects are what set us apart from the animals (and females for that matter).




What about you? Did you have a funny nickname or do you remember any ones from college or high school given to your friends? Reply back with the best.

I'm Just Having One Glass

What do you think of this glass, famous Russian comedian, Yakov Smirnov? In America, you drink wine, in Soviet Russia, wine drink you! If I had this glass in Russia, I wouldn't have left. What a country!

If you order now, we'll throw in an industrial size tub of ibuprofen

Look at how happy the woman in the ad is.  Is this really a good idea? She's having a nice afternoon, reading her magazine and about to suck down a whole bottle of red wine. The ad says you can savor the flavor all night long. Is there a reason you can't do the same by pouring more into a regular sized glass? Also, what could possibly be on the video? I'm guessing someone pouring a whole bottle of wine into the glass. 

Insert Lawyer Joke Here

Actual story from the Tennessean (Nashville):

Moral to the story: Don't leave keys in car
The Tennessee Court of Appeals ruled this week that a car owner could be found negligent for a car thief's crash if she had left her keys in the vehicle. The appeals court said it did not matter whether the keys were left in the ignition, on the front seat, or on the dash board in plain view.

This is why people hate lawyers and distrust the legal system. This was decided in Tennessee! I would expect this kind of idiocy out of the California court system (where, when you graduate law school, you have to take a pledge to expunge all common sense from your system), but not middle America.  They are (potentially) holding the owner of the car liable for something that was done by a criminal while breaking the law. The last time I checked, a criminal does not have the right to steal your car just because you left the keys in it. The car owner had nothing to do with the theft (other than making it easier for a criminal to break the law), why would they be liable? I hope the next judge up the chain has a little common sense in this. 

Weird Purchases

So much better than Spam

This morning at Walgreens, the guy in front of me bought a pack of Virginia Slims, Whoppers and a small canned ham. What could this guy need Whoppers for? Also, buying canned ham at a Walgreens may take the cake in inappropriate purchases. Can you imagine how long that can has been on the shelf?

He also was wearing those huge cataract sunglasses and had no chin. The sunglasses basically covered his whole face.

Can you top this? Shoot back a reply with the weirdest items you've seen being bought.

I Couldn't Eat Another Thing!

Holy cow, after Thanksgiving, party on Friday, and the game on Saturday, I feel as if I am going to explode. I need more than a diet, I need a stomach pump. 

Me walking into the Grove on Saturday.

BoDerickus' BNOW - Thanksgiving Edition, Part II

CB, how about some pumpkin ale?

Thanksgiving - a time to eat yourself into a coma and watch football. I can't wait to sit down for my traditional Thanksgiving meal of cod, eel, lobster, swans, leeks and radishes, washed down with a big 'ol glass of beetroot wine.  BoDerickus kicks Thanksgiving old school.  Then, my T-Giving homies and I play a couple of rousing games of Chuck-Farthing and Squat-tag. Hoo-boy! Time to tighten the breeches and strap up the buckle on the shoe, it's about to get crazy here.

Today, I'm digging deeper into the early American life for more names from early Thanksgiving celebrations. Below you will find a few more Pilgrims with bad names. I tell you who there were a lot of at the first Thanksgiving: Johns, Marys and Josephs.  I tell you, if you asked John to pass you the goat's milk, you would get at least 12 bottles. Now, on with the show:

Remember Allerton, Experience Mitchell and Fear Brewster - What is the deal with these pilgrims and these random verb names? If memory serves me, a popular quote from early America was: We have naught to fear but Fear Brewster, because that filly will turn arsy varsy and whip pottage at thee!

Dorcus Samson - Dorcus was an odd, awkward fellow whose claim to fame was a 37 hour marathon of knicker-box, subsiding only on deer jerky and pumpkin juice.

Peregrine White - Peregrine was a mighty hunter whose nickname in the colony was "duck hawk." 

Godbert Godbertson - Little Godbert got beat up by the varsity Squat-tag team . . . a lot.

Tryphosa Tracy - Tryphosa Tracy sounds like a bad comic book villain. Quick Robin, Tryphosa Tracy has taken control of the Gotham City Flower Shoppe (Tryphosa is just starting out and doesn't really "get" the whole supervillain thing).  

You know who else was on the Mayflower? John Goodman, that's who. He felt England no longer had anything to offer him.

Here's John and Peregrine getting ready for a hunt.

Crazy Legalese of the Day

As you may or may not know, Just like Star Jones, BoDerickus is a lawyer. That means I get to sit behind a desk and read important (i.e. boring) documents all day. Almost daily, I see some word or phrase that makes me say: "huh?"  Let's see what Black's Law Dictionary has for us today:

Owelty- a lien created or a pecuniary sum paid by order of the court to effect an equitable partition of property. Heck, even the definition sounds legal-y. I think it kind of sounds dirty. As in: I had to give Ruth an owelty so I could equalize the partition, if you know what I mean.

BoDerickus BNOW - Thanksgiving Edition, Part I

Thanksgiving is this week, so to celebrate, I'm reprinting an oldie from the BNOW email days.

Thanksgiving – A time to give, uh, thanks. As everyone knows by now, Thanksgiving is a major holiday in the U.S. started by the Germans about the time they founded San Diego (they were very thankful for the warm weather and bikini clad native residents of the area).  Can anyone guess what movie I watched last night (for about the 100^th time)?

What better place to start on Thanksgiving themed names than the actual Pilgrims who attended the first one?  This should prove to all you doubters out there that bad names are not a product of the present times.  Mayflowerhistory.com gives us plenty of examples:

Brothers Wrestling Brewster and Love Brewster – yes, I said brothers – from Leiden, Holland. Interestingly, Love went on to become the All-Plymouth wrestling champ (wrestling under the ring name Brother Love).  Wrestling, on the other hand was a bit of a wimp (or, as the Pilgrims would have said, a milksop).

Humility Cooper – Leiden, Holland – It is well documented in the Mayflower ships logs that Humility was, in fact, an arrogant SOB.  Ironic, isn’t it?

Sister and brother, Damaris and Oceanus Hopkins – From England, Oceanus was actually born on the Mayflower, in route to America.  I guess that explains her name.  This would be similar to today’s esteemed tradition of naming the children based on where they were conceived, a ’la Taurus, Kia and LaQuinta. 

Resolved White – England – I have a resolution for you: that is one bad name. 

Degory Priest – England – Many historians think this is actually Degorius Prust. I say this is like the tomaytoe/tomahtoe discussion, it’s a bad name either way.  I guess hopping a boat and sailing weeks wasn’t enough for Degorius to get away from whatever he was running from (probably a baby-momma), he also had to change his name.  Not much effort on the change, though.  Probably already had all his shirts embroidered with his initials. 

And finally, a non-Mayflower name:

The great Latin songbird, Shakira Isabel Mebarak Ripoll.  Shakira means "thankful" in some language I am too lazy to look up.  I, for one, and thankful that her “hips don’t lie.” 

King Biscuit - Part 2

Not much to look at, but excellent food!

Day 2 of the King Biscuit Blues Fest starts off at a true Tunica County gem: The Hollywood Cafe (it gets a shout out in the "famous" Marc Cohn song "Walking in Memphis"). The Hollywood is known for its fried dill pickles, so what better way to start the day? I'll say, eating here is a hell of a lot better than listening to that dang song (don't get me started on that piece of crap).

 Big Plate o' Fried Pickles

Dumas Walker, anyone?

Now, on to the Blues Fest, where the first act we saw was blues legends The Kentucky Headhunters??
Odd choice, but they really kicked butt.  I actually saw these guys in a bar in New Haven, CT way back in 1992 (and ran into them afterward at a sandwich shop). I talked to these guys after their set for a few minutes, and they remembered playing in New Haven and even named the bar. Pretty cool, these guys seemed down to earth now just like they did back then.

Playing guitar while attached to an oxygen tank. 

Then on to the real blues, Hubert Sumlin and Willie "Big Eyes" Smith. 







The crowd was great, despite temps pushing 90+ in October. Very laid back crowd. It is a great venue for watching bands.

The view from the top of the levee towards the stage.
Downtown Helena in the background.

                

A shot of BoDerickus enjoying the show.

A lot of PBR, baby!

 

 

Plus a whole lot of rocking

Equals old hippies getting down:

Grandpa Ponytail and his old lady cutting a rug!

Downtown Helena was packed. "Fair" food vendors, people selling worthless trinkets and street performers all up and down the street. 

It's a roaring good time in downtown Helena - one weekend a year.

Fried pickles not bad enough for you? How about Twinkies, Oreos and Suzy Q's?

A couple of good sets by Michael Burks and Marcia Ball and the night closed out with a rousing set by blues legend Dr. John?  Wait, this is a blues fest, right?  Anyway, it was a great second day and given the dark plus a few too many happy drinks, I didn't get any good pictures of Dr. John.  Check back soon for the third and final day.

This guy looks like Dr. John, but why is he all blurry?

BoDerickus BNOW

BoDerickus has been busy, too busy to stay funny. But, BoDerickus realizes he has responsibilities and cannot shirk those responsibilities. So here's a short but sweet BNOW.

LaTear Eason - Member of the Lady Tigers BB team from LSU.  Is it pronounced teer or tare? I'm hoping for the latter so the LSU announcer can give us: "She broke right through the Vandy defense for that score, she's really on a LaTear tonight, folks!" According to the LSU site, she has two siblings named Eureka and Lavandis. Mr. and Mrs. Eason are vying for that best name of the year (family division) trophy.

Marktrail Lee - Police blotter - Knoxville - He's an expert tracker, but has always had a bit of a problem covering his tracks.

Finally, I'll leave you with the most awesome first name ever. I've actually run across this twice this year:
Swayze Black - BB player at LSU. I've also seen an attorney in MS named Swayze.  I'm not sure there could be a name that exudes more cool than this.  Unless it was Dalton. If you don't believe me, just scroll up to the top of this page.  RIP, you cool SOB.