Dr. Cleophus' "not so" Quickie Movie Review

Luda, The Rock, Paul, Vin and Tyrese - What a Country!

The fifth installment of the awesomely cheesy, always entertaining Fast and Furious series is a non-stop action fest, dripping in testosterone and so unbelievable it makes Thor look normal.  Fast Five has some of the best action sequences of any of the franchise and brings back players from all of the other movies to pull off a heist in Rio. 

Paul and Vin are back together as (now ex) FBI agent Brian and street thug Dom to take down a drug kingpin in Brazil.  Wait, wasn't Dom on his way to jail and the end of Fast and Furious?  Don't you worry your pretty little head about such details. That is neatly taken care of in the first 10 minutes of the movie with a daring car enhanced prison bus breakout.  Thankfully no one was killed in the slight crash that followed (the bus only rolled over about 37 times), just created enough distraction for our "hero" to escape.

Cars are stolen off a moving train, a double-cross happens, then Dom and Brian take a car off a cliff for an enormous drop into a lake. 

Hang on, just going off a cliff for a 200 foot drop into a lake

Do you smell what the Rock is cookin?

The Rock is hot on their trail, wearing a tee shirt so tight I can't believe he can take a breath and enough baby oil to supply the Goslin kids for a year. The Rock's entire team of "special agents" is armed out of their mind and nuts as a bucket of squirrels.  What about the Rock's team? Their names? Nothing . . . doesn't bode well for the team's longevity. 

The Rock always gets his man. How do we know this? He tells us. What? Are you gonna argue with him?  Didn't think so.

You want some? Step up out of that hole and it is on.

There's something about a computer chip and $100 million in drug money. A big plan to steal it is what brings the entire "gang" down to Rio.  None of that crap matters.  More cars are stolen, more cars are driven fast, and Rock keeps coming.  There's a huge meat-head fight between the two titans that are Vin and Rock and half a warehouse is torn down in the aftermath. 

The final scene is a great jaunt through downtown Rio with our two leads in Chevy muscle cars pulling a 10 ton GD safe behind them.  Spoiler Alert: After tearing up half the city, our heroes prevail (did we somehow doubt it?). 


The one thing missing from this movie? The corn-pone twangy goodness of Sean Boswell:

I like the way you talk.

Dr. Cleophus' Quickie Movie Review

Thor:

Have you seen my hammer?

Norse god or honey haired pretty boy? It's kind of hard to say from watching this.  Thor is living in the lap of luxury, swinging a big hammer (literally), the soon to be king and is ridiculously good looking. Why is this SOB so angry?