Happy New Year!

There is no other picture that goes with this song better.

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never hmmm hmm mine,
I'm not sure what the next line is,
and auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear
for auld lang syne,
I know I'll have a cup of beer,
with auld lang syne,

There's four more verses to this song,
I'm gonna lose my mind,
who's ever heard the next ver-ses(?)
to auld lang syne.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

Dr. Cleophus' Quickie Movie Review

This Christmas, I took a page out of my Jewish friends' playbook: Chinese food for lunch and Christmas night, a trip to the cinema to see The Fighter:

That fight looks wicked hahd.

Marky Mark stars as a washed up fighter with a crack addled (former boxer) brother. After losing four straight, he pulls himself up from the bottom and starts a comeback that leads him all the way to the title. How does he turn it around, you ask? One word: Poontang.

In all honesty, this was a great movie. The director did everything he could to make the three leads (Wahlberg, Christian "I'm Batman" Bale and Amy Adams) as unattractive as possible. He mostly succeeded, especially with Christian "I've never met a starvation diet I didn't like" Bale.

The Day After

It's the day after Christmas and my four year old has already partially broken 2 toys and played a total of 3 minutes with the most expensive toy he got. Oh yeah, and he and I just played for an hour with a squishy ball on a string that I got for free last week at my bank (probably would have gone longer, but it broke also). Well, at least his favorite Christmas toy wasn't a box this year.

BoDerickus hopes you all had a great Christmas!

BoDerickus BNOW - Christmas Edition

Twas the night before "Mary Christmas (Salt Lake City)" and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a Chip Munk (State Farm Agent-Topeka) singing high pitched carols. The "Dale Stocking(s)" (Stockton, IL) were hung by the "Rayford Chimney (Jasper, TX)" with care, in hopes that "Sandy Claus (teacher in Verona, PA)" soon would be there.

Yes, it's Christmas! A time to hang "Aretha Holly (United Health agent)" on the door, eat "Candy Kane (Realtor in Philadelphia)" and be "Gaye Jolly (housewife, Knoxville, TN)". So here's hoping everyone gets a big "Candy Baskett (Lafayette, IN) full of "Ginger Snapp (Receptionist in Cincinnati, OH)" and "Hazel Nutt (Seneca, SC)" and enough snow so we can use the "Bob Sledd  - (VA Secretary of State)" we got for "Dionte Christmas (NBA player for 76ers)" to rocket down a hill.

So Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all.

Wilma Rudolph, getting ready for the 1960 Olympic Games

Frosty Returns - Why?

This past weekend, BoDerickus and the official son of BoDerickus bought The Original Christmas Classics collection which included Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Unfortunately for me, it also included the piece of trash that is Frosty Returns.  Someone must have been high when the made this piece of shiznit.  John Goodman was the voice of Frosty. However, he was not in good "John Goodman" mode, a la "Raising Arizona" and "The Big Lebowski." No, this was the John Goodman from about half way through his Rosanne run when he had all his soul sucked out of him and was basically cruising. He gave "Frosty" all the heart of this year's Carolina Panthers. This was written by Romeo Muller, who would go on to play quarterback for the Ole Miss Rebels.

On the left, beloved classic. On the right, crap on a cracker.

This adaptation of "Frosty" seemed to have no connection whatsoever to the one everyone knew and loved.  I mean, Frosty didn't even have to wear the top hat to exist in this one.  What the hell? That was the entire point of the first one (and the song, for that matter). He only became magical when he put on the top hat. This "Frosty" doesn't even make an effort.  The animation was pitiful, the characters horrible, and the story nonexistent. It had something to do with a carnival, a spray that magically melted all the snow and . . . I pretty much glazed over during the rest of it.

Hat? Why do I need that? Its not like there's any basis for me wearing it.

I have no idea where Peppermint Patty is.

The original Frosty was made in 1969, how is it possible that the animation in Frosty Returns, made in 1992, is ten times worse? But at least the songs were good . . . oh, wait, the songs sucked worse than anything. They were excruciatingly bad.  The main song, "Let There Be Snow" was an awful convoluted mess that seems as if it were sung by a bunch of deaf/mute children.

Yes, really!

Twitchell, the "bad guy" in this dreck, is a blatant rip off of "The Simpson's" Mr. Burns, only drawn MUCH worse (don't even get me started on the obvious Peanuts ripoff in the "best friend" character). To make matters worse, Jonathan Winters plays some "elf / little person / story teller" making everything even more nonsensical.

Anyway, take it from me, if you haven't seen this lifeless piece of sheep dung, don't.  If you think it would be cute, it's not. As Nancy Reagan used to say: Just Say No (I'm pretty sure she came up with this saying right after watching this steaming pile of moose poop). I enjoyed this show about as much as I enjoyed my last colonoscopy. 

Special BNOW Edition - Nicknames

Warning: Potential Lewd or Obnoxious Humor Ahead
BoDerickus was a Sigma Nu in college.  Back when I was in college, many of the fraternities used the "Animal House" method of picking nicknames for their pledges.  They took pictures of the pledges, then hung a bedsheet and used a slide projector to project that picture on the wall.  At this point, a bunch of (mostly) drunken college kids hurled insults at the picture until something stuck. I am sure it's more high tech now, probably done with computers, but I am also sure the drinking and insulting are the same. There was one guy in my fraternity who drunkenly screamed "Shaven Testicle" at every picture for a couple years running. Thankfully for those pledges, no one listened to him. 

Me, riding around campus

My pledge name was Grape Ape.  My three best friends from college were Oompa Loompa, Dumbo Letterman and Stubacca. The latter was particularly fitting since his name was Stu and he was big and hairy (it really was a no brainer-sometimes drunken frat guys get it right).  The funniest of my class was Uretha Franklin. The dumbest/weirdest I remember was one poor kid whose unfortunate choice in shoes got him stuck with: "Attention KMart Shoppers, Velcro Sneakers, Why Pay More?" which fortunately got shortened to just KMart. Others I remember include Psycho, Grimace, Lucky Pierre, Merkin, Fromunda Cheese, Red-Eye Jedi and Hashish. 


Other nicknames I've been saddled with over the years include: Baby Huey, Virgil, Google Bean, and Big Pink (or BP for short).  Two non-fraternity guys from my college were called Moose and Muffinhead, and Dumbo had the much more used nickname of Doctor (short for "Doctor of Love"). Guys at my high school were also tagged. There was Heavy Dog, Snoot, Cowboy, Three Meat, Head, and Mad Dog, to name a few; as well as a whole breakfast table of nicknames on the football team, including Milk (very white legs), Corn Flakes (given to a poor guy who puked a lot during two-a-days), Sausage (legs looked like sausage links) and Toast (our DB who was constantly getting burned). The nickname thing seems to be passed on to younger generations. Toast's younger brother, who outweighed him by 50+ pounds, was tagged as Muffin, probably as a tribute to his older brother's nickname (got to keep it in the breakfast food family).
 

Frat guys leading a YMCA cheer?

What is it with guys that they feel the uncontrollable need to saddle every other guy with a nickname? My guess is that assigning nicknames and the ability to do sound effects are what set us apart from the animals (and females for that matter).




What about you? Did you have a funny nickname or do you remember any ones from college or high school given to your friends? Reply back with the best.

I'm Just Having One Glass

What do you think of this glass, famous Russian comedian, Yakov Smirnov? In America, you drink wine, in Soviet Russia, wine drink you! If I had this glass in Russia, I wouldn't have left. What a country!

If you order now, we'll throw in an industrial size tub of ibuprofen

Look at how happy the woman in the ad is.  Is this really a good idea? She's having a nice afternoon, reading her magazine and about to suck down a whole bottle of red wine. The ad says you can savor the flavor all night long. Is there a reason you can't do the same by pouring more into a regular sized glass? Also, what could possibly be on the video? I'm guessing someone pouring a whole bottle of wine into the glass. 

Insert Lawyer Joke Here

Actual story from the Tennessean (Nashville):

Moral to the story: Don't leave keys in car
The Tennessee Court of Appeals ruled this week that a car owner could be found negligent for a car thief's crash if she had left her keys in the vehicle. The appeals court said it did not matter whether the keys were left in the ignition, on the front seat, or on the dash board in plain view.

This is why people hate lawyers and distrust the legal system. This was decided in Tennessee! I would expect this kind of idiocy out of the California court system (where, when you graduate law school, you have to take a pledge to expunge all common sense from your system), but not middle America.  They are (potentially) holding the owner of the car liable for something that was done by a criminal while breaking the law. The last time I checked, a criminal does not have the right to steal your car just because you left the keys in it. The car owner had nothing to do with the theft (other than making it easier for a criminal to break the law), why would they be liable? I hope the next judge up the chain has a little common sense in this. 

Weird Purchases

So much better than Spam

This morning at Walgreens, the guy in front of me bought a pack of Virginia Slims, Whoppers and a small canned ham. What could this guy need Whoppers for? Also, buying canned ham at a Walgreens may take the cake in inappropriate purchases. Can you imagine how long that can has been on the shelf?

He also was wearing those huge cataract sunglasses and had no chin. The sunglasses basically covered his whole face.

Can you top this? Shoot back a reply with the weirdest items you've seen being bought.