Frosty Returns - Why?

This past weekend, BoDerickus and the official son of BoDerickus bought The Original Christmas Classics collection which included Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Unfortunately for me, it also included the piece of trash that is Frosty Returns.  Someone must have been high when the made this piece of shiznit.  John Goodman was the voice of Frosty. However, he was not in good "John Goodman" mode, a la "Raising Arizona" and "The Big Lebowski." No, this was the John Goodman from about half way through his Rosanne run when he had all his soul sucked out of him and was basically cruising. He gave "Frosty" all the heart of this year's Carolina Panthers. This was written by Romeo Muller, who would go on to play quarterback for the Ole Miss Rebels.

On the left, beloved classic. On the right, crap on a cracker.

This adaptation of "Frosty" seemed to have no connection whatsoever to the one everyone knew and loved.  I mean, Frosty didn't even have to wear the top hat to exist in this one.  What the hell? That was the entire point of the first one (and the song, for that matter). He only became magical when he put on the top hat. This "Frosty" doesn't even make an effort.  The animation was pitiful, the characters horrible, and the story nonexistent. It had something to do with a carnival, a spray that magically melted all the snow and . . . I pretty much glazed over during the rest of it.

Hat? Why do I need that? Its not like there's any basis for me wearing it.

I have no idea where Peppermint Patty is.

The original Frosty was made in 1969, how is it possible that the animation in Frosty Returns, made in 1992, is ten times worse? But at least the songs were good . . . oh, wait, the songs sucked worse than anything. They were excruciatingly bad.  The main song, "Let There Be Snow" was an awful convoluted mess that seems as if it were sung by a bunch of deaf/mute children.

Yes, really!

Twitchell, the "bad guy" in this dreck, is a blatant rip off of "The Simpson's" Mr. Burns, only drawn MUCH worse (don't even get me started on the obvious Peanuts ripoff in the "best friend" character). To make matters worse, Jonathan Winters plays some "elf / little person / story teller" making everything even more nonsensical.

Anyway, take it from me, if you haven't seen this lifeless piece of sheep dung, don't.  If you think it would be cute, it's not. As Nancy Reagan used to say: Just Say No (I'm pretty sure she came up with this saying right after watching this steaming pile of moose poop). I enjoyed this show about as much as I enjoyed my last colonoscopy.