It's King Biscuit Time!

Sonny Boy Williamson and Lee Trevino?

Last Thursday, me and my brother-in-law, The Bald Hippie, headed down to the picturesque hamlet of Helena/West Helena, Arkansas for the 25th annual blues festival which now has regained the mighty, and appropriate, name of The King Biscuit Blues Festival.  Yes, I know, Helena/West Helena is a dump, and yes, it is quite stupid that they use both names for this town.  And yes, they have three half-decent hotels for 25,000+ attendees.

The King Biscuit is one of the best blues festivals in the country and is definitely one of the most laid back music experiences I have ever had. People come from all over the world to attend this festival. During the first two days, I met people from Chicago; Long Beach, CA; St. Louis; Cleveland; England; Oslo, Norway; Kansas City; Amsterdam; and Manitowac, Wisconsin.

The first night, we saw Reba Russel, Paul Thorn from Tupelo and the awesome B.B. King, 85 years old and still rocking.

Paul Thorn-He's released multiple albums and been thumped by Roberto Duran back in the 80s

B.B. King was seated, but that didn't stop him from really bringing the house down.

Just before the B.B. concert, I learned that the old guy sitting next to me was a H/WH resident and he had seen Sonny Boy Williamson and Muddy Waters play a club there in 1952.  1952! That's 58 years ago people. Just some of the cool stories you find at the King Biscuit. Stay tuned for more of the updates as I get more pictures downloaded.

Crazy Drummer Boy

Big ups to Moniker for finding this little gem:



I'm telling you, if I could put as much energy into practicing law as this guy does as a drummer, I could cure cancer (or something like that). Let's break down the drummer’s styles (in order):

Fairly calm – twirling sticks

Throws sticks, gets a little crazy

Brings it down a notch

Does the windshield wiper

Does the Robot

Time to bring back the flurry

Pete Townsend windmill action

Around the world (head)

Bat-shit crazy

It is especially funny given that he’s playing with a couple of guys who appear to need their pulses checked. Also, does this band really need an emcee?

Answers to Movie Quote-apalooza II

The Bald Hippie knows how to use Google, ladies and gents. What's really sad is you still missed one. I'm retiring the movie quotes for a bit, didn't seem to take off. Here are the answers:

1. Weird Science - the beautiful Kelly LeBrock (pre-Steven Seagal meltdown)
2. Fletch
3. Roadhouse - Sam Elliot is the most awesome guy alive
4. A Fish Called Wanda
5. They Live - Spoken by Rowdy Roddy Piper - See below
6. Spaceballs - Mel Brooks send up of Star Wars
7. Back to School - Rodney Dangerfield
8. Zombieland
9. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
10. Talladega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby



Quick explanation: The sunglasses allow Piper to see the aliens hiding among us, the gun, obviously, helps him kick alien butt, and the mullet lets him look fabulous doing so.

BoDerickus' BNOW

It's Friday, it must be time for another exciting installment of the Bad Name of the Week:

Alias Humphreys - Gamer at EA Games - When Alias checks in at a hotel, he uses the name Joe.

Urhines Kendall Icy Eight Special K Smith - Topeka, Kansas boy born to Evelyn and Kendall Smith way back in 2003 - Seriously, what the heck kind of name is Kendall for a boy?  Who else wants to bet that Urhines is pronounced yourhighness?

Jetson G. Hollingsworth - Attorney for Butler Snow - The G. stands for George - Jetson's parents were big Hanna-Barbera fans.

Ayatollah William Wallace - Convicted of kidnapping - In court he stood up and yelled: "they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!"

See what I did there? You thought the easy joke is about Ayatollah, but instead, BoDerickus makes an obscure reference to a movie about a Scottish revolutionary. BoDerickus is uncompromising in his dedication to the BNOW.

Movie Quote-apalooza II

How about another round of guess that movie quote?  All of these movies are definitely in my favorites, which tells you all you need to know about me. I'll even throw a couple of hints your way (not that they will be very helpful). Make sure you throw in your answers in the comments section, and, again, please don't use anonymous for your tag, be creative.  Winner gets to have bragging rights as the second best movie genius on this website.  Here we go:

1. You know, there's going to be sex, drugs, rock-n-roll... chips, dips, chains, whips... You know, your basic high school orgy type of thing. I mean, uh, I'm not talking candlewax on the nipples, or witchcraft or anything like that, no, no, no. Just a couple of hundred kids running around in their underwear, acting like complete animals.

2. Can I borrow your towel for a sec? My car just hit a water buffalo.

3. This place has a sign hangin' over the urinal that says, "Don't eat the big white mint."
*If BoDerickus had three hands, he would give this movie three thumbs up.

4. Now let me correct you on a couple of things, OK? Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes. I looked them up.

 5. I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass ...and I'm all out of bubblegum.
*Without a doubt, one of the most entertainingly cheesy movies of the 80s starring one of the most entertaining wrestlers of the 80s.  Bonus points if you can name the "actor".

6. So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.
*An underrated spoof movie from the 80s.

7. Are you fat? When you go jogging, do you leave potholes? When you make love, do you have to give directions? At the zoo, do the elephants throw you peanuts? Do you look at a menu and say OK!?
*This movie just doesn't get any respect.

8. There's a box of Twinkies in that grocery store.  Not just any box of Twinkies, the last box of Twinkies that anyone will enjoy in the whole universe. Believe it or not, Twinkies have an expiration date. Someday very soon, life's little Twinkie gauge is gonna go  . . empty.  Time to nut up or shut up!
*Great movie from last year. 

9. Brody's got friends in every town and village from here to the Sudan, he speaks a dozen languages, knows every local custom, he'll blend in, disappear, you'll never see him again. With any luck, he's got the grail already.
Cut to Brody: "Uhhh, does anyone here speak English? Or even ancient Greek? Water? No thank you, sir . . . fish make love in it.
*Movie number 3 in a 4 part collection; my favorite movie ever and one of the best action movies of all time. Also, it doesn't get any better than that last line.

10. Hell yes I am! They are winners! That is how winners talk! If we wanted two wussies, we would have named them Dr. Quinn and Medicine Woman!

Dr. Cleophus' Quickie Movie Review

Today's installment: INCEPTION

In haiku format:

Trippy and intense.
Leo's gaze always somber.
End. What just happened?

BoDerickus' BNOW

Here we are folks, back for another exciting week of scanning the globe for the best names in existence. Let's get started, shall we?

Fairly Vanover - TN Court of Appeals - The name's Fairly. Fairly Vanover. Excuse me, do you know you're first name is an adverb?

Uranius Johnson - WR at Marshall - Heh, heh . .  heh, heh . . . he said urnaius. 

Uranius is the name of a Roman usurper cited by Zosimus. Somebody's mom really liked their Roman history.

I object, your Honor, the mummy
is leading the witness

Imhotep Alkebu-lan - Attorney in Jackson, MS - Imhotep was the high priest of Ra circa 2675 BC. It looks like Imhotep has come back as a criminal defense attorney in Jackson.

 

 

 

As an aside, my favorite hotep, you ask?

Thank ya! Thank ya very much!

Dr. Cleophus' Quickie Movie Review

Today, a movie that I have been eagerly awaiting for months.  This movie is a big old block of jalapeno cheese dipped in Velveeta and then fried a golden brown. I'm talking about:

                                                                    MACHETE

Throw in Cheech and Lindsay Lohan and you have the greatest cast ever assembled!

Babes, blood and big ol' blades.  Not enough? How about bare boobies, bad guys and beheadings? Still not enough to get you in?  Okay: Bambitas, Banditos, bazookas and balls out action.  You know Machete is the guy who will get it done for you; he's a real MexiCAN.  

**The following will only to be understood by a handful of people**
I was met by the media on the way out and asked how I liked the movie. My answer (for some reason in an old Jewish woman's voice): I  LOVED  IT!!!  I'm going to see it . . . . . . .  TWICE MORE!

Who Knew -Ninjas Are Pansies

I have so many questions / comments about this video:
1.  Why is the guy driving a car that looks like it belongs on the "It's a Small World" ride at Disneyworld?
2.  Never complain about American TV.
3.  Skates?  Really?
4.  Is the economy so bad that one of the Ninjas had to borrow his mom's minivan to carpool in?
5.  Was that the deadly Ninja arm whip that I see executed to perfection?
6.  That car is so small and unstable, the Ninjas could have easily ninja'd the car over on its side.
7.  I mean,skates? Really? Nothing says stealthy like rollin' on 8 wheels.
8.  Who were these ninjas' masters, the Bay City Rollers?
9.  Moral of the story - If you ever need to get away from Ninjas, you better hope they are wearing skates and you can find a hill.

Slow News Day

Check out the "Quick Vote" section on the right in this screencap from the CNN website:

Thanks to the Bald Hippie for this.

CNN is finally getting its finger on the pulse of America with this question.

Some of you may say: "Is this is news?" To you I say, are you kidding me? Of course this is news!

And CNN, the answer is a resounding "Yes." We should fear those scaly bastards (and the green ones, and the furry ones and the ones who look like a bloated Vinnie Barbarino with dreadlocks). But not the ones with long fingers that like Reeses Pieces. They just want to go home. I’m wearing my tin foil hat as I type this.

Hotty Toddy??? Ah, Hell!

Awesome day, until . . .

It was a beautiful day for football, one of the best opening days in the past 10 years. Sunny, high of 83, the Grove was warm and inviting, Masoli was cleared to go, and the Rebels were enjoying a first half whipping up on a cupcake Div.I-AA team.
And then . . .

Actual looks on the faces of the people in my section.

As the crowd looks on in utter disgust; the bottom drops out and the rug is pulled from under the Rebels.

If you would have told me yesterday that the Rebels would lose to Jacksonville State, I would not have believed you any more than I would if you told me Jacksonville State hails from Alabama rather than Florida.  Wait, what?  Really? There's a Jacksonville, Alabama?  Great, now Ole Miss will lose 3 games this year to teams from Alabama.

If there's one thing I learned from 70's radio, it's this:
1. You don't pull on Superman's cape.
2. You don't spit into the wind.
3. You don't coast after you get a decent lead and then let J-State get momentum heading into the 4th quarter.
4. You don't mess around with Jim (or Slim).
That Jim Croce was an eerie prognosticator.

WTF?

Yesterday, I was in a gas station in East Tennessee when a woman got two Mountain Dews, three Red Bulls, a cup of coffee, two packs of cigarettes and $3.00 in gas.  I am crapping you negative. 

Dr. Cleophus' Quickie Movie Review

The Expendables

There is no way to make this picture any more manly.

Sly Stallone and a band of four other over-muscled, gun crazy mercenaries take out a small country. These five guys (!) laid a smack down on the entire army of this country in such spectacular, explosion laden manner that I found myself cheering nervously. As I was watching this movie I could feel my testosterone levels steadily rising.  Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go outside and punch a Russian.

Movie Quote-apalooza

How well do you know your movies?  Can you pick out a movie from just one quote, WITHOUT using Google (or some search engine)? If you know any of the movies, leave your answer(s) in the Comments section (along with your nom de plume). Let's see which YMGTC reader is a movie genius.  Remember, no cheating.

I'll try to start out easy in this inaugural edition of Guess That Movie:

1.  Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?

2.  I'd buy that for a dollar!

3.  You're bleeding, man. You're hit.
      I ain't got time to bleed

4.  Ray, when someone asks you if you're a God, you say, "Yes!"

5.  I'll be taking these Huggies, and whatever cash ya got.

6.  Listen, strange women lying in ponds and handing out swords is no basis for a system of government.

7.  We are men of action, lies do not become us.

Now to separate the pretenders:
8.  "I can see Jupiter, Saturn, Pluto" . . . "All I can see is Uranus."

9.  "I'll be back!" . . . "Only in a rerun."

10.  My friend here is trying to convince me that any independent contractors who were working on the uncompleted Death Star, were innocent victims when they were destroyed by the Rebels.

Happy guessing.

Dr. Cleophus' Quickie Movie Review

Salt - Starring Angelina Jolie and her lips.  Jolie kicks butt, stares icily at everyone and may, or may not, be a Russian spy (hey, it's in vogue again).  It's a raucous good time with a pretty good story, something that's not a given in any action movie.  All in all, good escapist fair. There's something about Russian villains that gives me the that warm and fuzzy 80s feeling.  

She must be Russian, look at her hat!

BoDerickus' BNOW

Well, it's been a while since the last update. Just to prove I'm still out there on the case, tirelessly searching for the next awesome name, here is a new batch:
  
Alpha Jones - Sheriff's Dept. - First born of the Jones family, very close to her youngest brother, Omega.

Porcelan Cheeks - Model - Because what model doesn't want Porcelan Cheeks?

Cyronose D. Spicer, Sr. - Candidate for Lauderdale County Mayor - Cyronose's mother was an admirer of the French dramatist and duelist, Cyrano de Bergerac, but I think she may have slightly mixed up the name and the author's most pronounced feature.

FYI for you science geeks out there: The Cyranose 32o, a $10,000 handheld electronic odor detector, can digitally analyze and identify a wide range of smells, in about 10 seconds.

And finally, from the Court system:

State of Tennessee v. Telly Savalas Johnson - His parents must have been big fans of Kojak, lovers of the lollipop, so to speak.

One thing this got me thinking about: Telly Savalas has a great part in Cannonball Run II (along with numerous other stars and famous names, including Frank Sinatra). The 70s and early 80s were great when it came to having huge casts or numerous cameos of famous people, especially in comedies. I think that's a lost art, something we don't see much anymore. Sure you have cameos pop up from time to time, like Mike Tyson in The Hangover, but no true "star-studded" affairs.  Maybe the new movie "The Expendables" will bring back some of that (seriously, check out the cast-it's like a testosterone filled homage to the 80s action blockbusters). Of course, it was written by and stars Sly Stallone, so that's probably the reason.

Paging Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard

Last week, I was waiting to pick up my daughter from an after-school function. A doctor in white lab coat gets out of his Mercedes in the heavy rain. I mean it was pouring.  This guy gets out of his car and puts a Target bag over his head like a hat. Then he calmly proceeds to take off the lab coat and toss it back into the car. He locks the car manually, walks to the trunk, opens it and looks around the trunk. He then walks back to the driver's door and looks in. He opens the back door and looks in and pulls out a tiny umbrella.  Now that he has this umbrella (literally) covering his head; he takes the bag off his head.

Now, finally, he walks the approximately 15 feet to the covered overhang which runs all the way to the door. This guy just spent about 3-4 minutes in the pouring rain to find an umbrella to walk 15 feet which may have taken 10 seconds. His clothes are soaked and he is drenched from head to toe (except for his hair, thank goodness for that Target bag). 

What do you call the guy who finished dead last in his medical school class?
Doctor

Somebody's Making the Tracy Morgan Face

I was in Blockbuster today and noticed 2 movies with Tracy Morgan. Seems a little similar, eh?

Graphics Fail

Last night, a local newscast ran a horrible story about a pit bull attack. However, the graphics used in the lead up to the story left a lot to be desired:

Unless I am seeing things, that's a cuddly, cute kitten in the graphic for a dog attack.  Way to go, Channel 3! Nothing conveys the horrible fear of a dog attack like a smiling kitten.

Dr. Cleophus' Quickie Movie Review

The A-Team
Four words for you: Hell to the yeah!
Awesome 2 hours of cheesy dialog, over the top stunts, explosions and craziness.  The casting was great, the movie characters all did great jobs living up to our old TV favorites and carrying forth the "aire de fromage" of the original.

Also, there's a great shot after the credits (yes, I'm a geek) of old Face and old Murdoch meeting their movie counterparts.  No Mr. T, however, what's up with that, was he too busy? Even the A-Team black van gets a cameo in the movie.

How is B.A. even standing?

No Plan B, also, no gold chains

Chuck Norris is awesome!

I'm flipping channels again and come across a movie with the most masculine man that ever lived:
The Octagon, starring Chuck Norris and his mustache. This movie is from 1980 and I'm pretty sure Chuck Norris and Tom Selleck had an 80s rivalry going for who had the manliest combo facial/chest hair on the planet. I can't tell you who was the best, but it's clear that we were all winners from this rivalry. 

I think, therefore I roundhouse kick.

If you look closely, you may see a medallion.

Man, that Chuck is smooth. Watch the way he handles his lady as she walks into a room where Chuck is having a conversation with a hot chick holding an Uzi:
Lady: Who's she?
Chuck: Nevermind.

And that's it, Chuck sure knows how to keep his lady in line.

I'm a few minutes in, and, wholly crap, some woman just got killed by a blowgun dart! After the death by blowgun, ninjas are scaling down a building to kill Chuck in his sleep. No dice, Chuck takes them out. He throws guys out windows, busts up all the furniture and then tells the manager (who came up to complain about the noise) that him and his lady were just getting a little frisky.  That Chuck, he's a sly one. 

Now Chuck is fighting with a sword . . . against a dozen or so ninjas and the head bad guy. A couple of roundhouse kicks fly.  Wait, its the killer who won't die from Silent Rage, and he's a good guy. I'm so confused.

This movie is all over the place. I've seen this before and I have no idea what's going on. He's released a bunch of prisoners being held by the ninjas . . . buildings are blowing up . . . the prisoners are revolting (that's what happens when you don't get to shower for a while). Chuck takes out the bad guy and walks off into a sunrise.
WTF? I have no idea what just happened. Also, I did not see any eight sided objects in this whole movie.

How about I close this out with a little Chuck Norris trivia: Chuck's real name is Carlos Ray Norris and this dude is 70 years old now.  I'm sure he could still roundhouse kick me into submission. Carlos served for 4 years in the Air Force, much of the time in Korea.

BoDerickus' Happy 4th BNOW

Today, a replay of a past patriotic version of the BNOW. These names really show American parents beaming with nationalistic pride.

From the book: Bad Baby Names by Michael Sherrod and Matthew Rayback:
Flag Hill
Nation Hamilton

Knight Patriot Smith (St. Peter Hospital birth announcement) - The Knight Patriot sounds like a bad B-movie hero.

Further proof that bad names aren't a new thing:
States Rights Gist – A lawyer and confederate general from South Carolina (b. 1831)

Legal Tender Coxey – Son of Jacob Coxey, a socialist politician from Ohio (b. 1870’s) - Tender Coxey was known all over Ohio as a smooth ladies man.

BoDerickus' BNOW

At the rate I'm going, I may have to change the name to BNOM(onth).  On to the BNOW, today, with pictures!

Current Events BNOW:
Taco Stein - Aruba's Attorney General (recently in the news because of Johan Van der Sloot)
Congrats to Taco's parents for honoring their Mexican and Jewish heritage.

Old School BNOW:
DeLong Bowman - 2nd Master of The Fairfax Hunt, a famous fox hunt in Fairfax County, VA started in 1928.
It's fitting that DeLong Bowman was a master of the fox hunt, if you know what I mean.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the British Army gives you Major Head:

Finally, an oldie but a goodie:

Leave it to the History Channel to do a long overdue bio on one of the great superheroes of yore: Capt. Hyman Shocker. Most people don't know that Capt. Hyman Shocker fought alongside Capt. America in WWII.

During WWII, the Germans hatched a diabolical plan: Die Biber Gegenstob (loosely translated to the Beaver Counter-Thrust), which unleashed a secret squad of deadly femme fatales to seduce and destroy the American GI.   While Capt. America was fighting the Nazi super-soldiers, the task of plugging Die Biberrate was left in the able hands of Capt. Hyman Shocker.  In a very risky maneuver, Capt. Shocker mounted a defense to Die Biberrate and then singlehandedly penetrated their frontline and drilled them into submission.  I mean, he really nailed them. Exhausted, Die Beber Gegenstob was disbanded soon after. What a story, I'm glad Capt. Hyman Shocker has finally been recognized.

Legal Assistance

I have gotten the same email for legal assistance from Denis Poon (of Hong Kong) caught in my SPAM filter a half dozen times in the last week.  Denis Poon needs legal assistance all right, so he can change his name. I'm thinking he should go with Harry. 

Random Thoughts

Speed walkers look like they are having an epileptic fit.

Jogging (or yogging, I'm not sure) cannot be good for you.  Joggers always look like they are having the worst time of their lives.  Have you ever seen a jogger smiling?

What are they teaching him?
As I was watching my 4 year old, Bo Jr., play, I noticed that his pirate ship had cornered Noah's Ark and was attacking it.  After I asked him, he informed me that he learned at daycare that Jesus and Noah had to fight off pirates on the Ark to save all the animals. 

Things I never thought I would hear (or, being a parent makes you stupid):
To Bo Jr.,  after he just finished going "potty": Bo, stop counting your poop.