Wait, Is That Wild Thing I Hear?

This morning I saw the trailer for Furry Vengeance, the new movie starring Brendan Fraser and a bunch of animals.  Two thoughts:

I'm going to wear a loin cloth in George of the Jungle too?

Brendan Fraser is my generation's Christopher Walken (although we are still enjoying the great Walken).  The reason that I say that is it is pretty obvious that, like Walken, he will take any role and, thankfully, seems to be in on the joke. Walken is 67 and has been in 110 movies/shows.  Fraser is 42 and has been in 51 movies. I say there's a good chance Fraser catches him (although, I'm not sure he could ever beat Walken's performance in Balls of Steel - and by beat, I mean be as cheesy). 

Let's look at Fraser's first big break(s) in 1992: He had the lead role in School Ties (also starring Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and Chris O'Donnell), a serious movie about a Jewish boy at an elite prep school in the 1950's who hides the fact that he is Jewish to fit in. That same year, he also starred in Encino Man as a caveman who is thawed out in modern day California. It is an extraordinarily goofy movie also starring Pauly Shore and Sean Astin (who'll always be Rudy!).  

He's done big budget action movies like "The Mummy."  He's done small indie movies like "Gods and Monsters."  But his bread and butter seems to be stupid movies and his process for picking movies seems to be as follows:

Agent: I've got a movie for you Brendan, you will star as a guy wanting to raze a forest and erect condos.  

BF: Sounds good, what will I get paid?

Agent: Brendan, now, just know you will be acting against kids and animals; you also get hit in the balls a lot and dragged around in a port-o-potty.  

BF: Money?

Agent: $5 million dollars

BF: Done, I'll even let them paint me blue for that.

Dang, that DeNiro is funny!

Also, he gave us the most goofy clap of all time. Click on picture for one of the funniest 4 seconds ever.

The second thing is this:

Tone Loc, the duel threat actor/rapper from the late 80's / early 90's, must love any movie that has animals.

Where's the love for Funky Cold Medina?

The reason is simple: any time there is a movie about animals, or even a movie with a scene where an animal acts "crazy," Tone Loc's Wild Thing is sure to be playing in the trailer/scene.  It's a given. I have seen a lot of movies over the last 20 years and whenever there is an animal acting crazy, rest assured that "Wild Thing" is the song playing.  Now, if only Hollywood would make more movies about plying women with cheap malt liquor so you could get "friendly" with them, Tone Loc's only other hit could get some more play time. 

 

Oh, and I am sure I will have to see Furry Vengeance with Bean, the official daughter of BoDerickus, even though the thought of it makes me cringe.  I have seen just about every kids movie for the last 10 years. Bad movies? Heck yes, I'm in.  Bad kid's movies? I'd rather be having a picnic on top of a fire ant hill. The sad thing is I've got at least 10 more years to go with Bo, Jr., the official son of BoDerickus. 

BoDerickus BNOW Update

The blog "Name of the Year" is in the middle of its annual tournament (www.nameoftheyear.blogspot.com).  I've got to give a big shout out to past BNOW recipients for making the field of 64:
Nu'Keese Richardson
Just-in'love Smith
Mister Cobble
Foxy Foxworth (sadly disqualified after the blog authors discovered his name was Eugene).

I've got to say, I'm very proud to have been a part of these guys rise to the big leagues of NOTY.

Three others from NOTY that I cannot stop laughing about:
Rich Tanguy - Say it again, slowly. It's good to be Rich Tanguy.

Gregor Schwinghammer, Jr. - Heh, heh, he said schwinghammer.

Charity Beaver - Sometimes, when BoDerickus is feeling a bit amorous, but the official wife of BoDerickus isn't particularly into it, she gives in and throws a little charity beaver my way.

NFL Draft

Wow, the NFL Draft starts tomorrow.  When did the draft go from 2 days to 3 days worth of coverage, and in prime time to boot? Priorities people, let's get some.  Every talking head has something to say about who will or will not be a great QB and when (or what round) they will go. If there is one thing the draft proves every year, its that no one really knows who will do well.  Never.

Lets take an easy one: Tom Brady.  Everyone knows he was a 6th round pick.  Lets look at what the Sporting News had to say about him in their scouting report in 2000:
"Has adequate feet and a decent setup . . . with more experience he could develop into a competent 'caretaker' . . .could be an NFL backup."  A competent caretaker and NFL backup.  Wow, you hit that one on the head Sporting News.  I'm glad you are there to do one thing well: report on sports.

But the owners/coaches don't know anything either. Lets take a look at the QBs chosen ahead of Tom Brady in the 2000 NFL draft:
Chad Pennington: 1st Round, 18th overall. 8 up and down years with the Jets, going on his third with the Dolphins.  Still playing, not necessarily a bust, but nothing special. 

Giovanni Carmazzi: 3rd Round, 65th pick. Who? Let's see, he played QB for Hofstra. . .wait, they have a football team?  Giovanni never got off the bench in the NFL and finished his career playing for the Rhein Fire (NFL Europe), BC Lions and Calgary Stampeders (CFL)

Chris Redman: 3rd Round, 75th overall. Very up and down in his career, but at least most football fans would recognize him. Has a Superbowl ring for riding the pine with the Ravens.

Tee Martin: 5th Round, 163rd pick. Best year in the pros: He had 69 passing yards, 0 TDs and a 25.3 passer rating with the Raiders (I'm surprised Al Davis didn't put the franchise tag on him). Does anyone outside of the SEC at best and Tennessee at worst know who he is?  One feather in Tee's cap is that he did manage to win the national championship that his predecessor never got.  Who is this, you say?  A little nobody named Peyton. 

Marc Bulger: 6th Round, 168th pick.  At least this guy was a 2 time pro bowler.  But you could make the same argument as with Brady, since he was picked in the 6th round.

Spergon Wynn: 6th Round, 183rd pick.  Once again, who?  At least this is a guy that belongs in the 6th round. Spergon's career stats: 585 yards, 2 TDs, 7 INTs, 39.9 passer rating.  Hey, its better than Tee and Giovanni. Also, he's got to be a BNOW candidate. 

Dr. Cleophus' Quickie Movie Review

Well, summer movie time is almost here.  I have seen 3 movies in the last 10 days (counting How to Train Your Dragon with the kiddies).  I see this summer as being a big one, stay tuned. But on to today's review:

Repo Men - An existential character study on the consumerist society that we all live in where everything can be financed, everything must be immediate and all human organs are for sale. What happens when one man . . . eh, whatever.

But seriously, all I could think about was: 1. If all human organs could be replaced, why did Forest Whitaker still have that crazy eye? and 2. Where was Emilio Estevez?

Funny Office Email

The following was an actual email sent internally at my office 

 

Subject: Did anyone lose some vitamins or pills wrapped in foil?  

I have them at the front desk. 

Of course, it was immediately jumped on by a few co-workers (identity has been changed to protect the innocent):

Bo: Sounds like someone lost a little Toot!

EB: I was thinking the same thing… seriously, who keeps their “meds” in foil?  I will be surprised if anyone claims it.

Race: I am also missing a spoon. It has a few charred spots on it as well, but thanks for finding my "tin foil" vitamins.

EB: And a rubber strap that I use as a “tie down” to keep groceries from moving around in my car… I am missing that one too.

Bo: I want to got up there, crush them up and then use my pinky finger and tongue to “test” the drugs, a la every crime movie or TV show since the 70s.

EB: Just barely touch it though… Then give it to Race to rub all over his gums to confirm your findings.

Race: Just for confirmation purposes only!

Only in the South

This morning I passed a fat guy stuffed into a Smart car, doughnut in hand and cigarette firmly clenched in his teeth; kind of ironic, huh? 

Dr. Cleophus' Quickie Movie Review

Black Dynamite: 32% soul + 22% kung + 12% fu + 43% bad ass + 69% love machine = 178% action-packed, funky, roundhouse kick to the face fun; because Black Dynamite ain't gonna let the MAN hold him to just 100%.

Black Dynamite's got a word for Dr. Cleophus: "Black Dynamite don't do anything quick."

Nun-chucks, guns and chicks, Black Dynamite is happy.

Seriously, this movie is out on DVD and it is absolutely hilarious.

Living in America

Part II of 80s Night: Rocky IV
  

Just after Rocky II, Stallone must have succumbed to the 80s just like the rest of the country.  If you didn’t think it could get worse than Rocky III with Thunderlips and the unbelievable acting performance by Mr. T’s mohawk, then hold on to your hats.  Rocky IV had it all: Rocky had made it to easy street; Paulie gets a robot butler; Drago, the Russian monster shows up; James Brown sings; holy crap, is that Brigitte Nielsen again?; Apollo dies after a monster beating; Russian winters; the KGB makes an appearance; and let's not forget some seriously cheesy lines, the likes of which we hadn’t seen since, well Rocky III. 

For the ladies: the
Siberian Wall, Ivan Drago!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the 
Dancing Destroyer, the King of Sting, 
the Count of Monte Fisto, the 
Master of Disaster, 
the one and only: Apollo Creed!

A couple of sweet Drago quotes:

U vill looz (You will lose) – to Apollo before the fight

When asked about Apollo after beating him (to death, it seems): Eye kinot be difited. Eye beet all man. Sumdeey, eye vill beet reel champun.  If he dies, he dies.  (I cannot be defeated. I beat all man. Someday, I will beat a real champion. If he dies, he dies)

On a side note, would it surprise you that Dolph Lungren (Drago) attended the Royal Institute of Technology in Stockholm, Sweden, received a master's degree in chemical engineering from the University of Sydney, in Australia, and in 1983 was awarded a Fulbright Scholarship to MIT?  I for one was floored by that information.

After Apollo is killed by Drago, Rocky does what any other person would do, he challenges Drago to a fight to be held in the USSR (ok, make that any other person who had been hit in the head hundreds of times).  At some point, Rocky says “To beat me, he’ll have to kill me.”  I’m not sure Rocky thought that one through.  Didn’t you just bury your friend /rival /mentor /running on the beach in tight shorts buddy a few scenes back?  Then, as we all would, he travels to Siberia to train.  

The workout certified by Men's Health to 
get you in shape to be punched in the 
face repeatedly by a 'roided up Russian

Rocky broods and trains in the only way that a great 80s action hero can: by a great musical montage. We are treated to cuts between Drago wired up like a heart patient to machines as he lifts, punches and gets shot up with steroids; then to Rocky cutting and tossing wood, doing situps while suspended off the loft of a barn, and walking with a big tree across his shoulders (seems to be an 80s staple). Then we see Rocky helping push a Russian horse drawn sled that is stuck in the snow and finally running up to the top a mountain and giving the original Rocky pose. HEARTS ON FIRE! STRONG DESIRE!

Oh yeah, and Rocky grows a beard that would make Hercules (or Bluto) proud. After that montage, I am totally pumped to see Rocky beat the snot out of that soulless Russian. There is no way the USA will lose.

After I lift this sled, I'm ready for my date with Olive.

Well, hello there, Ludmilla!

So, after all that training, brooding and beard growing, Rocky meets Drago in front of a very hostile crowd, which includes a Gorbachev look-alike. 

Eye most bureak u (I must break you); oh,
and thank you for shaving.

I am vorried for my lapushka

Then we witness Rocky taking a beating that would likely kill an elephant.  I mean he is pummeled all over the ring and the punches Drago lands literally sound like cannon explosions.  But then, miraculously, Rocky lands a punch or two which leads to the announcer screaming: HE’S CUT! HE’S CUT! THE RUSSIAN’S CUT AND IT’S A BAD CUT!
Rocky, who seems to grow stronger the more he is punched, ends up taking down Drago in the 15th (!!!!) round at which point he seems to be asking for Drago to hit him more. Interesting tactic, not what I would have suggested, but it seems to work (well, until we see Rocky V, that is).  The crowd has turned on the big Russian, the Soviet leaders do not like it, but they keep on cheering for Rocky. I think Rocky just ended the Cold War! 

This leads to the win and Rocky’s big speech which ends with: "I guess what I'm tryin’ to says is, if I cans change, . .. . and yous cans change,  . . .  everybodys cans change." 

The crowd erupts, Gorbachev even stands up and claps and then all the spectators are led outside and shot by the KGB, all tapes of the fight are burned and the Siberian Wall is sent back to Siberia to actually hold up the side of a building.   

HIIIIEEEE!!!

Man I am pumped up, I want to punch a Russian. But, I think I’ll let the Godfather of Soul end it for me: “Living in America! Siii to siiii, stachun to stachun, uhhh.  Living in America! Hea to heaayy, across the nachun. Uhh!

As Sweet as Morris Day's Shuffle

A few nights ago, I had the unique opportunity to view not one, but two 80s classics simultaneously: Purple Rain and Rocky IV (I cannot seem to get away from Brigitte Nielsen). I must admit, I only got through a bit of Purple Rain before totally being sucked into the testosterone fest that is Rocky IV.  For those of you who have not seen Purple Rain, it tells the story of the only black people in Minneapolis, in the mid-80’s, as they all pursue a singing career. Beyond that, Purple Rain is great for many reasons:

I'm so pretty!

1. Morris Day is awesome, cool and slightly effeminate, even though he is the alpha dog of the movie. Raise your hand if you didn’t at least try the Morris/Jerome shuffle move he does during Jungle Love (just after Jerome brings out an (almost) full length gilded mirror on stage for Morris to primp).  And I don't even have to ask if you did the Bird sometime during the 80s.  Oh yeah, and Morris can rock an Aunt Jemima hankerchief. 

Heeyyyyy! It's Morris, Jerome, Big Perm
and tall Eddie Murphy

 

2. Prince's lines are all pure cheese and, looking back, he borders on stalker rather than the cool/distant vibe we all thought it was back then.  I mean, just look at this picture where he is standing behind Appollonia, just after she arrives at the club:

Just like Cobra - 
dark glasses inside

What do you mean

I'm in Vanity 6?

3. Speaking of Appollonia, what could be better than the purification in the waters of Lake Minnetonka?  Nuff’ said.

4. All of the characters in Purple Rain were named with the same name as the person playing them (e.g. Morris Day was Morris; Appollonia Kotero was Appollonia, Wendy Melvoin was Wendy) except for Prince, who for some reason was “The Kid.”

5. Prince was a major league jerk-off, even though he was supposed to be playing the "good guy."  

And that’s about it, Jerome tosses some woman in a dumpster (who had the unmitigated gall to yell at Morris about standing her up). Morris was so cool, he couldn't even bother to respond to her accusations.  Jerome just looked slightly perplexed, as in: "What are you gonna do, guess I've got to toss this one in a dumpster."  I hope Jerome gets hazard pay. 

Oh Morris, call me!

Jerome, thanks for taking out the trash.

After this wonderful scene, I switched over to Rocky IV and never looked back. That's all I can do for today, hopefully I'll be back soon with Rocky IV.  

BJ and the Bear

After babysitting a monkey, 
I'll be ready for My Two Dads!

I cannot stop without commenting more on BJ and the Bear. I remember loving this show. It had a craptastic theme song (sadly, I believe I can sing every word): "He just keeps on moving, ladies keep improving, every day is better than . . . . the . . . . LAST. Places new and ladies too, I'm B.J. McKay and this is my best friend Bear." That is pure poetry, people. 

One thing I didn't know, the premise had BJ as a Vietnam vet whose life was saved by the monkey in Vietnam, then he brought the monkey back to America, named it Bear after yes, Bear Bryant, bought a truck and hit the highway (with his best friend Bear, of course). That is some serious back story!

Also, it's pretty amazing that this show had a spin-off, the even crappier "Misadventures of Sheriff Lobo" or just "Lobo." However, by this time it was the 80s, so that story is for a different post.

Cooler Than Starsky's Gran Torino

Today, I’m going with a 70's entertainment theme.  If there is one thing I know more about than the law, it’s useless entertainment trivia. If I had a nickel for every tidbit of useless entertainment knowledge I possess, well, let’s just say I could play a mean game of quarters while rocking out to some Bad Company. 

Reunited? There have been 6 Peaches, 
but there can be only one Herb.

The 70’s certainly were a strange time for entertainment.  For every Roots, you had a BJ and the Bear. For every Jimi Hendrix, you had a Peaches and Herb. You say, what about The Godfather? I say, what about Night of the Lupus (where giant, killer rabbits go on a rampage)? If you think movie execs like to destroy the world/people now, the 70’s gave us destruction by (to name a few): rabbits, frogs, killer bees (multiple times), babies, computers, zombies/mutants, rats, Godzilla (and his pals), virus, spiders, and, of course, killer tomatoes.  Also there were sinking ships, floods, hurricane, earthquakes, meteors, burning skyscrapers, zeppelin disasters and death by roller coaster.

I, however, will definitively state that 1970’s entertainment was simultaneously 100% bad and 100% awesome.  Need proof, you say? OK: All-Star Family Feud Specials.  

Holy crap, Isaac is cool. 

ReRun needs to be "rethinking" that Thinker pose.
And, is Raj doing the robot?

For such a silly show, why is this pose so serious?

Why, Mrs. Kot-ter, nice assets.

This last one kills me, who are the two guys towards the right of the picture? I recognize the wife, principal and Horseshack, but they must have been scraping the bottom to fill out the team. And what was Gabe Kaplan doing that he was too busy for this? In addition to Gabe, there's no Travolta, we didn't even get Epstein or Washington. Travolta I can understand, he was pretty hot by now, but what were the rest of these hacks doing? All we got were an Epstein look-alike and a Ted McGinley clone, before there was a Ted McGinley.


By the way, wouldn’t it be funny if Fantasy Island was on this show? You would have Mr. Rourke, Tatoo, the guy who drove the extended golf cart, the girl who brought drinks to the guests, and . . . I’m out of suggestions. Not to mention the pile of phone books Tatoo would have to stand on to be able to see over the podium. Good answer, boss!

And, finally, yes, I know the words to all the theme songs represented above, except of course What’s Happening, which had no words, but I could hum that one.

Two Popped Collars Awesome!

I almost got to continue my streak of bad 80’s movies last night with the wonderful Cobra, starring Sly Stallone which also “stars” his wife at the time: Brigitte Nielsen.  I got about 20 minutes in and the wife came home, so bye-bye Cobra.  But the time I got to spend with Lieutenant Marion “Cobra” Cobretti was time well spent.  

What took you so long?

In the opening scene, some psycho dude heads into a supermarket and starts randomly blowing people away.  Those he doesn't blow away, he takes hostage.  Cut to outside and what looks like enough cops to take on a small country are on the scene, but no one can help.  What are we gonna do?  Important looking cop looks at another and says menacingly: "Get me Cobra."  In what seems to be about 20 seconds, Cobra comes squealing down the road in what appears to be a Panzer tank.  I haven't seen this much steel since that bad Shaq movie.  

Man, is it bright in here.

What a guy. He waltzed into a hostage situation in a supermarket and never took those sunglasses off (look at those things, you could be on Mercury and still not have to worry). He announced over the loudspeaker he was coming after psycho dude. He stopped and guzzled some beer from a can that had been punctured by a stray bullet from psycho dude.  You know you are bad when you can walk up announced, half blind and smelling like PBR and still take out a psycho with a shotgun with a buck knife to the stomach (followed by a few rounds of well placed ammo to the chest). Also, Cobra has a matchstick planted firmly in his teeth. Seems odd, but maybe something will happen later in the movie that explains this (foreshadowing alert).  





Anyway, I tell you all this because of a line that I would have never found funny back in the 80s.  Cobra comes out of the above situation to the street and is accosted by the media about using excessive force. His answer? I used all the force that was necessary. Then, the chief of police jumps in and says: “Leave him alone, what do you think this is, a public forum?” For some reason this really cracked me up. Actually, I think the street in front of the supermarket is the very definition of a public forum, but what do I know?

Is Brigitte walking in a ditch? She's 6 feet tall;
Sly couldn't be more than 5'8"

Is that cotton?  Click picture for full effect.

Then Cobra goes back to his place on the beach (I've got to admit, Cobra doesn't seem like the beach goer type).  Before retiring to his pad, he's got to take the time to accost four Latino gang-bangers hanging out in front of his place, even ripping the shirt of the head one.  Brave and smart, that’s how we liked our 80’s heroes. Might want to rethink this one Marion.  These guys know exactly where you live and what car you drive. Eh, no matter, I'm Cobra.  




Want more bad 80’s?  How about this: Sledge Hammer! A cross between Naked Gun and Dirty Harry.  Absolutely great in its badness.  Maybe one day, I can review this.

Cranky black boss? Check. Female adversary? Check.
We've got ourselves an 80s cop show here.

No, I did not just have 
cataract surgery, why?

It's All About the Marketing, Baby!

The bag of Sun Chips I bought last week contains the following: World's First 100% Compostable Chip Bag!

Besides the fact that the Sun Chips people are very ! excited about it, the word compostable seems made up (I know it's a form of compost, but still). I think if I had the choice, I would say: Sun Chips - It's Funtasticalicious!!

Also, this may be the loudest bag of chips ever.  I mean, it sounds like firecrackers going off when the bag is barely moved.  There is no way to sneak a midnight snack with this bag. I mean, the next door neighbors could hear this bag being opened.  If compostable = extreme noise, I'll take the old bag.

Dr. Cleophus' Quickie Movie Review

Alice in Wonderland – 75% of the box office receipts will come from stoned college kids. The concession sales of cookie dough bites and Mountain Dew probably tripled during showings of this movie

Help Me, Al Gore, You're My Only Hope

An open request to Mr. Albert Gore, former Vice President:
Mr. Gore, given your environmentally conscience attitude and your need to do something for the environment, not to mention your extreme hippieness, could you turn your laser like attention to a scourge on the environment called the automatic flush toilet? My experience during my morning constitutional made me wonder how much water this thing wastes:
Open the door to stall = 1 flush
Clean and line seat = 3 flushes
Doing business and paperwork = 3 flushes
Then, it didn’t flush when I left the stall (the one time I really needed it to) so I had to manually flush it (thus negating the “sanitary” need for the auto flush) = 1 flush
Total = 8 flushes*
*From my actual experience this morning, other experiences may vary.
8 flushes x approximately 3.4 gallons per flush (what I found to be the “average” gallons per flush) = 27.2 gallons of water literally “down the drain.”
I probably would have flushed 2 times (one at beginning - OCD related issue & once at end), with a waste of 20.4 gallons of water from my ONE trip to the restroom.
This doesn’t even take into account the fact that it splashes water on the toilet seat cover and my butt. Also, it greatly adds to my stress level in that it drives me crazy that it does this every time. I usually cover the sensor, but forgot something to use this morning. Please Mr. Gore, do something about this, you’re my only hope.

BoDerickus' BNOW

Today, a cornucopia of names to review:

Slaidyn Jaice Smith – Birth announcement in WA - I’m pretty sure I saw Slaidyn in concert opening for White Snake back in ’87.

Januari Lakeitha Williams – Police Blotter in TN - Like an old Batman villain, all of her crimes were committed in the first month of the year.

Monolito B. Cooper – Police Blotter in Nevada - Monolito wanted to be let out of jail early, but the warden protested saying “he’s practically unmovable and we will just have to leave him where he is.”

Immaculate Perfection Harris – Georgia Tech-2005 – Goes by I-Perfection. His brother is named Supreme Justice Harris. Wow, and just like that, we have a family that trumps the Morgan family. I’ve got to say, Supreme Justice would be an excellent name for a judge.

McClabia Mays – Service worker in TN - One time, when I was in Mexico, I got a bad case of the McClabia. I couldn’t sit right for weeks.

Velvet Churchill – Notary – Named after his favorite writer, Velvet Jones, the author of “I Wanna Be a Ho.”
OK, so I thought this was bad, but if you check out the Murray State website, you will see it can be worse. The Murray State women’s golf head coach is Velvet Milkman.
This sounds like it should be a sports related nickname: He drives the lane . . . and, wow, a monster dunk! The Velvet Milkman really took that defender to school.

You Will Be Missed

From March 12 Post:

This week we have to say a sad good bye to two entertainment icons of the 80’s:

Corey Haim – Lucas, fighter of the lost boys, one half of the Coreys, and rocker of some awesome 80's hair.

Merlin Olsen – One of the “fearsome foursome,” star of Father Murphy and friend to Ron Burgundy.

Dr. Cleophus' Quickie Movie Review

Today, it's an Unseen Movie Review – A sequel to Wall Street, the outstanding picture from the “greed is good” 80’s, will be out this year.

According to IMDb, the movie title is: “Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps.” Really? This is the best title they could come up with? Why not “Wall Street: This Movie Sux” or “Wall Street: Insert Crappy Title Here”?

BNOW Football: Best Of; Part Duh

Kiante Tripp – LT at Georgia – Kiante’s favorite food: fava beans. His major is Housing. Really? Housing? There are a number of players with the Housing major. Come on Georgia, couldn’t you do better than that? Kiante wanted to major in “Sitting On The Couch Playing X-Box” but it is still 2 years away from its accreditation at Georgia (I’m pretty sure Tennessee has it already).

Chavis Williams – LB at Alabama – This guy is very smooth, almost, but not quite, like a good scotch.

Foswhitt Whittaker – RB at Texas – According to the media guide, his name comes from the combination of his father’s first name, Foster, and the first half of his last name, Whittaker. Creatively, I’ve got to applaud you, but why would anyone use part of the last name in fashioning the first? Maybe this could catch on: How about George Clooney at Nicloon Clooney? or Matt Damon as Kendam Damon? Maybe not.

BNOW Best Of: Football

Here is a "best of" list from the last few months:

Knile Davis – RB at Arkansas – pronounced NILE – Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt, it’s also a tailback in Fayetteville.

Foxy Foxworth IV – DE at South Carolina – Eugene Foxington Foxworth IV or “Foxy” as he’s known to his friends. Interestingly, my nickname in school was Boxy.

DeQuinta Jones – DL at Arkansas – After he lays a big hit on you, he’ll leave the light on for ya.

Korvic Neat – RB at Ole Miss – There is only one way to drink Korvic, and that is neat.

Rantavious Wooten – DB at Georgia – Named after the Roman god who foolishly mouthed off to Jupiter after partying a little too hard with his friend Bacchus and was zapped with one of Jupiter’s patented lightning bolts. Rantavious was the god of sportscasters.

Bacarri Rambo – SS at Georgia – The Bacarri and Coke is a strong drink sure to knock you out. The Bacarri Rambo is a strong safety sure to knock you out.

Kentravis Aubrey – DE at LSU – He’s a little bit hip-hop and a little bit country.

Since I'm closing with LSU, even though I have used them before, I can't pass up using T-Bob Herbert and Barkevious Mingo again. T-Bob & Barkevious sounds like a bad TV pilot for the WB Network.

BoDerickus' BNOW

The “Guys will think it’s funny” award – because, really, guys never get past the teenage years when they hear something like this:
Bill Boner – Rutherford County, TN property assessor – Too bad he doesn’t go by his middle name, Ima.

Terri Teate – Tipton county woman who “turned in” her son for stealing. She was tired of him sucking away all the Teate family finances.

I had to check on this story, and the video on the news showed the Tipton County Sheriff’s office. There was a big sign out front that said: “Tipton County Sheriff’s Office – J.T. “Pancho” Chumley, Sheriff”. I am convinced you only see nicknames used like this in the South. Another example: the Chancery Court Clerk for DeSoto County, MS has Sluggo Davis written on the door of the Clerk’s office.

One More:
Airwrecka Rayner – Memphis – Pronounced Erika. I will say, when said with a Memphis accent, it probably does sound a lot like how it is spelled. The way it’s written, it would be an awesome basketball name.